Archive for September, 2011

Origins Balanced Diet


I have FINALLY discovered the perfect moisturizer for my skin, and I am currently enjoying silky smoothness and a delicious smoothie smell that makes me wish I could kiss my own face. It’s designed for all skin types and the tiniest pea-sized drop will balance your entire face and leave you with a supple, evenly moisturized dermis. You can thank me (or, you know, Origins) later.


These are very simple steps, and will greatly improve your telephone experience. Since we are rapidly turning into a text/email/Facebook/never-ever-call-me society, it’s understandable that you may be clueless to the fact that you’re a major phone asshole. It’s okay. I’m here to help.

Step 1: LISTEN. When calling any establishment, it is customary for the person answering the phone to say the name of the company you’ve reached. If the company name they give is not the company you were trying to reach, don’t start spitting out your social security number and birthday and credit card number. STFU, let your neurons register what you’ve just heard, and if it’s the wrong number, politely say that you have the wrong number. Don’t argue with people. Don’t try to have a conversation about how you can never reach Comcast, and what number is this anyway? They did not call you. They did not give you the incorrect number so that you could badger them while they’re trying to work. This is ALL you, buddy.

Step 2: CHILL OUT. Just because you’re feeling ballsy because you’re not face-to-face with the person you’re berating doesn’t mean you can act a fool. Use your words. Mind your manners. Consider this: why are you calling this place? Is it because you have an account with them? Does the person whose mere existence seems to have pissed you off SO badly that your eyeballs are about to explode with rage have access to these accounts? Or your name, birthday, social, ledger, phone number, or email? Hmm. Yes. Take pause. While no one at a reputable company will mess with any of your information, you should still keep it in mind. Slow your roll; would you like it if someone called you at your office and started wildin’ out like they had no home training?

Step 3: STFU. Don’t interrupt people. It’s RUDE. While no one at a reputable company will give you incorrect information just because you’re a jackass, they may have additional information that will make your life much easier. BUT, if you can’t hold your reckless tongue for two seconds so they can finish talking, you probably won’t get that additional information. So you asked for the supervisor’s number and got it, and then cut the rep off while they were trying to speak because you, The Mightiest and Most Important Person on the Planet, thought you didn’t need anything else. You won. Right? But then you call the number and it’s a directory-access only… and damn, you didn’t the supervisor’s name. So now you have to call back, all because you’re a rude interrupter. If you had just S’dTFU for those last five seconds, you’d already have the name and would be on your way to full supervisor access. That’s a shame.

While there are many other simple and effective way to seem as if you have manners, these are the most important. Take a breath, make your phone call, and act like a damn human. If you can’t master these simple manners, you may want to locate your nearest elementary school and take your unlikeable self back to kindergarten.